Life

One Crazy Rule to Find Your Soulmate

From neg-hits to three day delays, the Internet is packed with how-to guides for getting laid.  And much of that stuff actually works to some degree if you have the confidence and determination to go through with it.  Emotionally manipulating people into doing what you want is something you can totally do in the short term, and if you're just looking for cheap thrills, I'm not here to judge -- but this isn't the guide for you.

In this guide, I'm going to outline "one crazy rule" and "two not-so-crazy actions" that will lead you on the path to finding your soulmate.  Disclaimer: if you're currently in a loveless relationship, you're going to need to add a third action before you get started. So what's the crazy rule?  Not yet ... but I warn you ... it's crazy!

Relationships fail for a number of reasons: finances, infidelity, boredom, resentment, lack of effort, inflexibility, etc.  These are the things that will tear your relationship apart from the inside, but I have news for you: they're just symptoms.  Relationships built on a foundation of real love, not nonsense from Disney films, but the trust and respect that comes from loving someone more than yourself, those relationships are able to sidestep bumps in the road and endure difficulties and struggles and emerge stronger on the other side.

So, how the Hell do you find one of those relationships?  I'm not going to lie to you: it isn't easy.  It's not going to just fall into your lap.  You do have to work for it, and once you find it, you have to work to keep it.  But as they say, if you spend your time doing something you love, you don't have to work a day of your life.  And if you're "working" at a relationship with your soulmate, is it really work at all?

Enough Foreplay

Enough foreplay.  Here's the secret, the one crazy rule to finding your soulmate.  Brace yourselves, because it's a doozy.  Be yourself.  That's it.  Seriously.  Unless you can be Batman.  Nah, still be yourself.  There's a dozen Batmans.  Batmen?  See, it's a mess.  Just be you.

I don't mean that flippantly or sarcastically, because I know how difficult it is to be yourself.  Before you can be yourself, you actually have to figure out who "yourself" is, and that's crazy hard.  I don't know if I knew myself until I was pushing 30, and you may not know yourself yet either.  But if you're going to find your soulmate, you first have to find yourself.  You have to love yourself.  You have to know yourself and be yourself when you're around your potential soulmates.  And many potentials won't particularly like yourself, or fall in love with yourself, and you know what?  That's OK!  You're not going to meet your soulmate first try.  And wasting your time pretending to be someone other than yourself so your not-soulmate will be interested in you will either be a momentary waste of energy or worse, a long period of wasted life that ends in a messy divorce and years of sadness and regret.

Skip that bullshit.  Be yourself.  Now here's the really hard part.  Yourself may be lazy or thoughtless or kind of a jerk.  You're going to want to work on that.  If yourself is an extreme introvert, that's OK.  If yourself is really into muscle cars or Furbies, no problem.  But if yourself is a jackass, you're going to want to move into one of the two not-so-crazy action items:

Be the Best Yourself You Can Be

Whatever it is you enjoy about life, however you look at the world, whatever it is that makes you a unique individual ... be that.  But be the best version of that.  Spend some time looking at the (wo)man in the mirror, and make changes to improve yourself, but don't try to be something you're not.  That only ends in heartache.  I can't tell you how to do this, because you're uniquely you.  You know what you need to work on.  Do it.

Be Open-Minded

The second not-so-crazy action item is to be open.  This doesn't mean to settle.  It means to be open to new experiences.  Be open to meeting people who are different from you.  Be open to dating someone who you never thought you'd be interested in.  Try things.  Try experiences.  Try people.  You're not going to meet your soulmate unless you get out there in the world and open yourself up to new possibilities.  Because I'm telling you right now: you cannot possibly know the characteristics of your soulmate until you meet them.  So don't waste your time making a mental list of qualities you expect this person to have, because you don't know what you're talking about.  Don't discount potentials because they don't fit some vision you have of what you're looking for.  Your soulmate will be a surprise.  You won't see it coming.  And if you're not yourself when that person comes into your life, and you're not open to their arrival, you'll miss your shot.

Husband, Step-Father, Father. Seeker of Knowledge and Wisdom

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